The Bible teaches to honor your parents (Exodus 20:12). This means that when you are still a child and under the authority of your parents, you should obey them (Ephesians 6:1-3). But the relationship to your parents changes when you grow up and come of age. Although you should never stop to show respect to your parents, you are now able to make your own decisions. The Bible refers to this process in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” In this verse the man forms a new unit with his wife and so there grows a certain distance between him and his parents. Adult children are not their parents’ property and are therefore free to make their own decisions, also when it comes to marriage.
Questions before deciding to go against parents
However, there are several questions one should ask before deciding to go against one’s parents’ wishes. Your father and mother know you very well and often know what is best for you. In many places in the book of Proverbs, children are encouraged to heed their parents’ instruction (Proverbs 1:8; 6:22; 23:22). So it might be wise to listen to their words! What is the reason that they are opposed to your choice? Are their reasons purely selfish, or do they see a danger in your future husband or wife? Are your parents or your fiancé(e)’s parents Christians? Is your future husband or wife a Christian? If your parents are opposed to your choice because your fiancé(e) is not a Christian, then it is time to listen very closely to what they have to say. The Bible does not approve of marriage to an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14; 1 Corinthians 7:39). But if your parents are opposed because you plan to marry a Christian and they themselves are not believers, then the matter is very different.
Age, position and culture
It also matters how old you are and what standing you have in society. It makes more sense to make independent marriage-related decisions if you are an adult who has previously established an independent life apart from your parents. However, it makes far more sense to pay attention to your parents if you are still a young child and live with them. The age at which young people in your culture are regarded as adults also depends on the culture. In your culture, what does “honoring your father and mother” mean?
If you bring this issue before God in prayer, He will undoubtedly lead you in the correct direction.
“Lean not on your own understanding, but put all of your trust in the Lord. Acknowledge him in every manner, and he will make your pathways straight. (Proverbs 3:5–6)
Asking these kinds of questions and bringing them before God before getting married is a really excellent idea because marriage is a serious thing!
