Reconciliation will be necessary for two basic reasons, both of which apply to any circumstance.
- We have sinned against, upset, or abused someone
- Someone else has sinned against us, upset, or abused us.
In all scenarios, the best course of action is to sit down and put down the details of the issue if it has progressed beyond the stage at which it may be resolved through dialogue, apology, and forgiveness. This facilitates communication and makes it easier for us to explain the circumstances.
What to do if we have sinned against someone
The Holy Spirit will have already found us guilty if we have wronged someone else. We must accept responsibility for our own acts and stop blaming others or trying to justify what we have done because he makes us uncomfortable.
We must [account] to the Lord for our actions, seek His pardon, and then seek guidance on how to proceed with making amends. In Matthew 5:23, Jesus offers some guidance: if you go to church to pray and partake in communion but discover that a brother has a grudge against you, go and make amends with him first. Only then will you be allowed to return to church to worship and serve the Lord. You cannot act as though nothing has occurred, and if we ignore the problem and go about our lives as usual, the Lord will not be happy with us.
The steps in reconciliation
- Recognize you’ve sinned
- Humble yourself
- Go to see the one you have sinned against
- Apologize and ask for forgiveness
Regretfully, others don’t always extend forgiveness right away when we sin against them or offend them. However, you must give the rest to the Lord if you have fulfilled your portion. To show them that you have truly changed and that you are sorry for what you did, [love them], communicate with them, serve them, assist them, and provide assistance.
What to do if someone has sinned against us?
It is more difficult in the second scenario. If someone has transgressed against you, consider what went wrong so you can address the issue. Let them go, or ask God to assist you in forgiving them, before you take any more action. Then, with a humble heart, go see them. Avoid becoming irate, accusing, or criticizing. In the attitude with which Jesus would handle it, pray until you are able to go see them if you are not yet ready to do this.
What Jesus says about this
Jesus also gives teaching on this situation in Matthew 18:15-17.
- Go to them alone first, then explain the situation and what they did. Genuine reconciliation occurs when people ask for forgiveness, acknowledge their mistakes, and listen to one other.
- Bring one or two additional Christians with you to make the person understand they are sinning against the Lord if they refuse to listen to you or acknowledge their mistakes.
- This then becomes an issue for the church and church punishment if they still won’t listen. The decision regarding the sinning individual’s discipline must be made by the church’s leaders.
Since we are all sinners, whatever we do must be done with love and respect. We cannot feel that we would never act in such a way, or we cannot be proud or conceited. We are instructed to “speak the truth in love” in Ephesians 4:15. While there are various ways to correct someone, the finest and most effective approach to make amends with a brother or sister is to live a life that is characterized by God’s love.
