Some cultures consider kissing to be a standard way for friends and family to welcome one another. This question, however, is obviously about something else entirely—lovers kissing passionately. Before getting married, is that okay?
Courtship in the Bible
Because dating was nonexistent when the Bible was written, there are no explicit “rules” about courtship or dating in it. It was customary then, as it is in many cultures even now, for parents to select their children’s future partner and to get them married right away without any prior courtship. Therefore, if courtship is more popular in a culture where arranged marriages are uncommon, Christians today must apply biblical principles to a “new” circumstance.
Some clear boundaries
Before we get into the more nuanced issues, let’s first address a few boundaries that are obvious. It was intended by God for sex to be enjoyed in marriage. All forms of extramarital sex are sinful. According to Ephesians 5:3, it is known as “sexual immorality” and “must not even be named among you.” Since courting couples are not (yet) married, this also applies to them. God provides these guidelines for our own protection as intimacy is a delicate matter. God wants us to stay away from the suffering that results from breaking a connection between two individuals who have “become one” without having pledged allegiance and unwavering love.
While the Bible is the last authority, Christians should also honor cultural norms when it comes to romance. These could differ amongst cultures, and some might be superior to others. Nonetheless, it is wise to adhere to such laws or traditions as long as they do not conflict with biblical teachings.
Courtship is meant to get to know each other
Courtship is not the same as dating. While dating might be superficial and just meant to get to know potential spouses, courtship is a more serious stage of a relationship between two people whose goal it is to marry. In this time of preparation for marriage, it is important to get to know each other well, since entering the life-long bond of marriage should be a well-considered and well-informed decision. And getting to know somebody requires a certain level of intimacy. This is not to say that physical intimacy is the most important part of a courtship relationship. Getting to know each other’s hearts, characters, opinions, world view, friends and family are surely more important, and this doesn’t need physical intimacy. What level of intimacy Christians can reach before they fall into sexual sin, varies from one relationship to the other. For many, kissing might be no problem. For others, it might be.
Avoid temptations
Asking yourself if your actions of affection are done with a pure conscience before God, or if they will lead you or your spouse [to sin or temptation], is a very essential question. Should the latter be true, you ought to stay away from it. It is evident that the likelihood of succumbing to temptation increases with the intimacy of the act. However, there may be variations between individuals. Establishing secure “boundaries” in their courtship and respecting them will help couples be honest with one another about the difficulties they face.
You are not alone
Even though courtship is a very personal relationship between two people, it’s not just about the two of you. Keeping yourselves pure is your own responsibility, but there is also a role for others around you, like family and friends, who can support you and help you guard your ‘boundaries’. For example, many consider it wise for unmarried couples not to spend (much) time alone together, to protect them from temptations. But this only works within a community that creates other opportunities for the couple to spend time and get to know each other in various social settings. This community can exist of the couple’s family members or friends, but can also be a responsibility of the local church that the couple attends or other fellow Christians.
