Though it does not specifically address domestic abuse and violence, the Bible does mention a number of things regarding divorce. But we do know that God wants us to love our neighbors as ourselves, therefore we know that we should never cause them any harm. “Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church,” according to the apostle Paul (Ephesians 5:25). Rather than physically abusing their wives, Christian husbands need to be willing to give their own lives in order to protect them.
Be safe
Make sure you are safe if you are in a marriage where you (or possibly your kids) are experiencing physical abuse. A husband forfeits any claim to his wife’s affection and concern if he hits and mistreats her. Removing yourself (and your children) from the abusive circumstances is right—there is nothing at all wrong with that. The Bible makes no mention of allowing oneself to be hurt. Therefore, the first thing to do if the abuse is severe or ongoing is to leave! But this isn’t the same as telling someone to get a divorce.
Two grounds for divorce
According to the New Testament, there are two reasons for divorce: either a spouse commits adultery or an unbelieving spouse departs (in which case the believer simply accepts the other spouse’s decision to leave without initiating the divorce) (Matthew 5:32; 1 Corinthians 5:1). This is, at least, the consensus among most Bible professors. There are others who think divorce is never an option.
To be clear, Jesus does not advocate for divorce. “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so,” states Jesus in Matthew 19:8. God’s design for marriage included no provision for divorce. Malachi 2:16 reveals to us that God detests divorce. A man and a woman break a specific lifelong commitment when they get a divorce. Ephesians 5:32 states in the Bible that marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. Divorce, therefore, significantly warps and distorts this sacred image.
All domestic abuse is evil and never right
That being said, all forms of domestic abuse are bad and should never be tolerated. But let justice roll down like streams and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream, according to Amos 5:24. The Lord wants justice in every circumstance. Telling someone you trust that you need help right now is a request for those who are in violent situations. Regardless of who it would implicate, engaging the authorities is also a wise move in cases of serious or persistent abuse.
If your spouse isn’t currently a Christian, pray that they will become one. They won’t deliberately hurt you emotionally or physically if they genuinely love you. Recall that no one’s heart can be changed except by God. And a marriage can only be fully restored and healed by God. It is a testament to the power of the Gospel if you are able to make amends with your spouse. A period of separation and/or marriage counseling may be beneficial in this process of reconciliation.
If the abusing spouse does not repent (and repentance means to change! Repentance just with words while the abuse continues is worth nothing in the sight of God), continued separation might be needed. Sometimes a legal divorce is necessary as well, to not allow the abuser to have an influence in your and your children’s life. However, unless one of the biblical reasons to divorce is there as well, you should still consider yourself married in God’s eyes and hope and pray for reconciliation. Only when the other party moves on to another relationship, and in that way commits adultery, you are free to consider yourself divorced. When you need a continued separation for your own safety and the other party uses that as reason to divorce, he may be considered as the unbelieving spouse who leaves, and there is no need to fight the divorce.
