Sadly, there have been times throughout history—and in some places of the world even now—when Christians have been compelled to marry against their will by their family or community. On the other hand, you have an obligation to make wise choices if God has granted you the ability to select your spouse. Ultimately, it is the duty of every Christian to prioritize seeking God’s kingdom and righteousness (Matthew 6:33). Additionally, your spouse will likely have the biggest impact on your relationship with Jesus for the remainder of your life if you are married.
We are not alone
Thankfully, God wants to assist us, so we are not alone in making this choice! The Bible provides us with sufficient guidance to “thoroughly equip” us “for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:17), which undoubtedly includes the good task of marriage! The Bible is “a lamp to our feet and a light to our path” (Psalm 119:105).
Basic rules
God has given us only a few very basic guidelines on who we can marry. Genesis 2:24 states that marriage is between a man and a woman who are not related to one another (Leviticus 20:17) and who are not already married to another person (Romans 7:2-3). Christians are only allowed to marry other Christians, according to God’s final decree (1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14). God has given us the freedom to marry whoever we want, provided we follow these guidelines (1 Corinthians 7:39)! As with any decision, though, it’s crucial to seek guidance from others and pray to God for insight (James 1:5) (Proverbs 15:22).
How we should live together
God has a lot more to say about how men and wives should coexist once we get married. Consequently, in order to make the best choice about your future spouse, it is advisable to thoroughly consider [God’s pattern for marriage] and to have a conversation about it with the individual you are considering. It’s crucial that we remember to ask ourselves if we are “right” for the other person as well as whether they are “right” for us. These are a few of the most important considerations.
Men
As Jesus loved us and gave His life for us, so too will it be your duty as a married man to [love your wife unreservedly] every day (Ephesians 5:25). This entails prioritizing her needs over your own in all decisions and being prepared to make any kind of sacrifice—no matter how small—that prevents your wife from growing as a Christian (Ephesians 5:25–30). In order to effectively do this, you must be determined to pay close attention to what she has to say and have intelligent conversations with her in order to gain a deeper understanding of her (1 Peter 3:7). You are not the right husband for the lady you love if you are not prepared to do this for her faithfully for the rest of your lives, with God’s assistance.
Women
It is your duty as a married woman to love your husband without conditions every day (Titus 2:4) and to submit to him in the same way that the church does to Christ (Ephesians 5:22). This will entail being prepared to faithfully back him in all of his decisions, even if you believe he may be mistaken (Ephesians 5:22–24). You must completely rely on God in order to accomplish this (1 Peter 3:1–6). You are not the [appropriate wife] for the guy you love unless you are prepared to do this faithfully for him for the rest of your lives, with God’s assistance.
It goes without saying that Christian men and women are [sinful individuals living in a sinful society], and getting married won’t make this any different. You will need to forgive each other on a frequent basis throughout your marital life (Colossians 3:13). It is wise to search for signs of this in your partnership in advance.
Physical attractiveness
Today’s non-Christian society places a great value on physical appearance. Naturally, because of the additional obligations you will have to one another after marriage (1 Corinthians 7:3-5), this is significant between a husband and wife (Song of Solomon). However, take care not to place an undue emphasis on appearance: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).
In conclusion, visualize marriage as a triangle with the husband and wife at the two bottom corners and Jesus at the top. The husband and wife will grow closer to one another as well as to Jesus. If God grants you the option to marry, pick a partner who will encourage you to grow in your relationship with Jesus. The kind of marriage that will succeed is that one.
